Polarizations Need Your Loving Presence

Polarizations Need Your Loving Presence

Image Credit youssef naddam on Unsplash

**The below message was emailed to our community on 11/11/2020. Click here to subscribe to our email list.


Dear Friend, 

For me, and I’m sure for many if not all of you, 2020 has presented one big trailhead after another and the recent election in the US was among the biggest. Regardless of our politics, we couldn’t help but be triggered by the process. I wound up having to work with many parts and still am.  

Since our inner systems often mirror the polarized politics in our country, it’s likely that you had parts that hated the candidate on the other side and might even have wished harm to that person. You may have parts that feared the consequences of Biden’s winning and are struggling with that fear now. Or, now your parts are feeling righteous, are demonizing Trump supporters, and can’t understand how they could vote for him. In either case, you may have little interest in conversing with the other side because you know they are so entrenched in their wrong positions that it won’t go anywhere.  

This is the nature of polarization at any level of our human system. Each side is full of scary and negative presumptions about the other and is sure that if the other side takes over something disastrous will happen. I’ve worked with countless clients who had parts that vied for control of the client, had no interaction with each other, and were certain the other was totally misguided at best and evil at worst. Particularly at times of crisis, each polarized part would become more extreme in its efforts to win control, which of course, made its enemy part become more extreme in turn. Many of our symptoms are the product of such escalating polarizations. 

I have also found that the simple act of bringing both parts together, having them face and talk directly to each other, with our Self playing the role of mediator, these polarizations may be eased. Each part comes to realize that the other is trying to protect in its own way, and that they share the common goal of the client’s wellbeing. I am certain that the same depolarizing could happen in our country if we all could separate from our protectors and their assumptions about the other side. Then we could access our Self’s natural curiosity and compassion and see past the extreme protectors of the other to their Self and to their vulnerable parts. We could also sense how connected we are to one another at the level of wanting what is best not just for the US but for the planet in general. 

Perhaps such a vision seems like a pipe dream at this point, but I am fortified by having experienced it so often in my clients inner systems, as well as entrenched couples and families I have worked with. Once Self is accessed, healing and depolarization just happens. 

This is where you come in. I’m inviting you to find the parts that are up now for you, especially as you think about someone on the “other side”; whether it’s anger, fear, righteousness, disdain -- whatever you find that seems to be blocking your heart. You may find it helpful to listen to this Fire Drill meditation.



As you notice that part, see if it’s willing to separate for just a few minutes, reassuring it that you aren’t going to do anything different in the outside world at this point. You just want to see how you feel without its protection. If it resists, then you can explore its fears around what would happen if it did separate. If it’s willing to give you a little space for a little while, you’ll feel a palpable shift in your body as the protector releases its grip on your heart. Thank it for separating and then notice how you feel now toward the other side.  

As you work with this protector, you may start to get emotions or images of the exile it protects. Unless you have a strong history of being able to access and help your exiles on your own you may want to simply acknowledge it and let it know that you’ll find someone to help you work with it. Many of our exiles have been retraumatized by events of this year, including the Corona Virus, our need to heal our cultural and racial injustices, and the election. They need your loving presence but many of you are like me and need to be in the presence of another’s Self to fully heal them. For now, it helps them to be recognized and told that you care for and won’t forget about them.  

I'm convinced that a simple process like this could be scaled up to help our country heal. The world needs more collective Self energy and this is one way to bring in more of it. 

May the Self be with you,